I Am Alive And I Am Growing Old | Motley Monday 


So it’s kinda been a while since I posted. Like a month. And it’s been even longer since I posted consistently. So much has happened. To summarize:

  • Leaver’s Banquet (aka our version of a prom/school ball because we aren’t allowed to dance at my school) happened. I wore makeup for the first time ever. It was a good time. The desserts were amazing. I had all four of them. 
  • Mock exams. It was a terrible experience, but I did (mostly) better than I expected, and compared to the rest of my year level, I did pretty well, so yay. 
  • I turned 18 on the 29th of September. How is this possible? 
  • I accumulated a lot of books. I got about 20 as birthday presents (15 in a Roald Dahl box set), and I’ve also bought about another 12ish, some with birthday money. After going ages without buying any, it’s very exciting. 
  • I went to see a show that was four people singing songs from different musicals. It’s called Beyond The Barricade and oh my goodness it was amazing. They did like six songs from Les Mis and I nearly died of happiness. 
  • School holidays just ended. Term four started today. 

And that brings me to the topic of this post. 

Today was my last ever first day of term. In less than a month, I will graduate high school. After today, I have 16 days left of high school. Ever. (Not counting exams). 

Not only that, but, like I said, I just turned 18. I can now vote, drink, get married without my parent’s permission, and am basically considered an adult. And I don’t understand how any of this is possible. 

In my mind, 2016 was always the elusive year when everything would change. I’d turn 18. I’d graduate. But it always seemed so far away, and now, it’s nearly over. 

Next year is going to be hugely different. I’ll be at uni, making my own life choices. I’ll be able to wear whatever I want on every day of the week, not just on two of them (most NZ high schools have uniforms, mine included). I’ll be responsible for so many more things. I’ll go from Girls’ Brigader to leader; youth group member to young adult; high school student to university student. Sure, I’ll still be living at home to save money, but none of it will be the same. 

As much as I’m excited for this next part of my life, I also don’t want it to happen. I hate change, especially when it means leaving a place that I’ve come to love over the past seven years. I know that there will be tears in the next month, as I say my goodbyes. Because I’m not only saying goodbye to high school. I’m also saying goodbye to child me. I started at that school as a child, and now I’m leaving as an adult. 

Really, I’m just sad and scared. Sad to say goodbye to the past and to this part of my life, and scared (but excited) about what the future holds. 

Growing up and moving on in life is hard. Despite all of this, I’m excited to see what the next stage of my life will look like. 

2016, let’s go out with a bang. 

Tessa Ann