Changes

You may have noticed my absence again over the last week or so. I’ve been sick. I went to school once in the last seven days of school. In five days, I left the house once, and that was only for half an hour or so. That gives you a bit of an indication of how I’ve been feeling.

Since I haven’t really been doing much over the last week, I’ve had a bit of time to think. And that thinking has led to me making a decision.

As of today (or the last time that I posted), I am no longer doing the 365 day writing challenge.

Let me tell you, I’m not entirely happy to be doing this. When I started the challenge, I was determined that it was going to be something that, for once, I finished.

But I’ve reached the point where a few things have changed. Firstly, I’m no longer enjoying the challenge. It’s become a bit of a chore. I’ve also become a bit too busy (or lazy, depending on how you look at it) to post daily, or to post well daily. And I’ve reached the point where I don’t think continuing would be wise, for me or for this blog. Maybe I’ll take another crack at it sometime in the future. But for now, I’m done with it.

So. What does that mean for this blog?

The first thing is that I’ll be taking a break from blogging. Due to my absence from school, I’m really behind, and I need to catch up. There’s only a week left of the term, and my grades aren’t as great as they normally are, so I need to get cracking on the mountain of schoolwork that has built up over the last few weeks.

I won’t be back as soon as school finishes though. I’m going on camp for the first week of the holidays, coming back on the Saturday night, which is the 11th. I don’t see the point in starting a new schedule if I’m going to be gone again.

So. A two week absence, at least, and then I’ll try and find some time during the second week of the holidays to sit down and figure out a new schedule. I already have a couple of ideas, but I need to figure out exactly what I’m going to do with them.

I’m also probably going to sit down one afternoon in the holidays and give this blog a complete overhaul, changing things up a bit. I changed a few things a couple of weeks ago, but I think I might change things a bit more, since the primary purpose of this blog is no longer happening. Who knows, I might even change the name of the blog!

Don’t stop checking for updates, though. I might do a quick little update post before I go away, and, if I can figure out how, I’ll put up a poll/survey thing, asking what you would like to see on here. In the meantime, let me know if there is anything in particular that you would like me to post about. I’m completely open to suggestions!

I’ll catch you all in two weeks or so, and I hope life goes wonderfully for you while I’m gone. TTFN!

Day 171: Moment Of Kindness

Describe a moment of kindness, between you and someone else-loved one or complete stranger.

Hmm.

OK. This is a bit longer than a moment, but it’s what jumped into my head when I was reading this.

Just over a year and a half ago (actually, exactly 19 months ago today), I collapsed in the middle of PE. This had happened a few times before, and the doctor had given me iron tablets, since my iron levels were apparently low and probably what was causing it.

But it hadn’t happened in a while, and I can remember it vividly.

We had a reliever, and we were playing multisport, but just with soccer and netball. If you don’t know what multisport is, consider yourself extremely lucky. Basically, you alternate between different sports, with a different number of people playing each time. You switch sports and players after someone scores a point.

I hate it.

But we were playing it, and for some weird reason, I was actually trying to participate and do well. However, after a few rounds, I felt quite lightheaded, and I told one of my friends, who looked concerned. But I kept playing.

I eventually got to the point where I could barely stand up, so my friend told the teacher, and I went and lay down. By this point, I was shaking and I could barely open my drink bottle or anything like that.

So my mum came and got me, I had a heap of tests over the next few months, and we found out I, along with my mum and my younger brother, have this heart condition. But we won’t worry about that for now.

Instead, let’s talk about when I collapsed. I was quite out of it, because, you know, I had nearly passed out. But I do remember that everyone was so kind to me. Seriously. My friend who I told initially showed such care and concern for me. My other friends and classmates all took care of me and made sure that I was alright until my mum came. All of the teachers involved were so caring. It kind of blows my mind that they would all be so kind to me. Little ol’ me, who, as we just found out, has a short temper and wouldn’t be so kind if someone else was in my shoes. I mean, my friends didn’t have to stay. They could have gone to lunch, but they stayed. And that simple act is one of the kindest things that someone has ever done for me.

Day 150: Fight Or Flight

I didn’t post the last two days because I was sick and couldn’t really be bothered. I’m probably not going to bother catching up with them either, because that involves effort.

When faced with confrontation, do you head for the hills or walk straight in? Was there ever a time you wished you’d had the opposite reaction?

Well.

My problem is that I am normally the cause of the confrontation, especially if it is with my friends. I have… a bit of a temper, to put it simply. Oh, I don’t go around slapping people or yelling at strangers, but I get angry or irritated quite easily. So I guess you could say that I walk straight in.

What I also do a lot of the time is say something that gets someone wound up and that begins confrontation (not on purpose, I swear!), and then I leave before sorting it out. Sometimes that is probably a good thing, so that I don’t say or do something that I regret. But other times, it isn’t the greatest thing to do.

If the confrontation involves my brothers, which it often does, I will end up storming out after a bit of yelling has occurred. But we won’t go there, because that is a whole new can of worms.

Why is it can of worms? Since when do worms come in cans?

Anyway.

So, to answer the question, I do both. And most of the time, whichever one I do is the wrong one. Do I wish my reaction was the opposite one? Absolutely.

Maybe I should work on that.

Day 168: Shape Up Or Ship Out

Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.

I’m currently procrastinating, of course, so let’s write to procrastination.

Dear Procrastination

I’m not very happy with you at the moment. You are, quite frankly, ruining my life, assignment by assignment.

For the past two or three years, you have been causing a lot of trouble. You’ve distracted me from so many assignments and important things that need to be done. And it isn’t good. You need to get out. I don’t want you in my life in any way, shape, or form.

I know we’ve gotten quite close over the years, having spent so much time together. But I’m giving you the boot. I don’t want to be close to you anymore. This relationship is unhealthy for me. You take up all of my time, and it affects my life in a negative way. My parents and teachers have noticed that you are a bad influence on me, and so, I’ve decided to heed their advice and dump you.

I know this is harsh, and you are probably quite hurt. But I don’t see any other way to do this. I need to get my life back on track before everything is completely derailed. I’m already on thin ice with a couple of teachers, and I can’t let that get any worse. As they keep telling me, this is the most important year of high school, and I can’t afford to be invested in such a serious and time consuming relationship.

I might hang out with you in the future, on occasion. I would like to still be friends, but please don’t expect me to be as committed as you seem to want me to be. I can’t deal with that kind of commitment.

So, Procrastination, this is my way of saying that it is over. We’re done, at least with this serious relationship. Please accept my sincere apologies and move on. Don’t linger around, don’t beg and plead. I’m being completely serious this time. I’m sorry that I led you on for so long, mostly because it has made it harder for both of us.

Please get out,

Yours sincerely,

T. A.

That went from a complaint letter to a break up letter. OK then.

Day 147: Say Your Name

Well. This is going to be awkward.

Write about your first name: Are you named after someone or something? Are there any stories or associations attached to it? If you had the choice, would you rename yourself?

Errrm.

I’ve talked about why I don’t use my real name on here before, which you can read here, and for now, that isn’t going to change.

But I guess I can still talk about my name, without telling you what it is.

That sounds mysterious.

Anyway.

When naming me and my two brothers, my parents decided to give each of us a normal but slightly uncommon first name, and a family middle name. However, they had quite different tastes in names, so it took them a while to come to a conclusion on what we were going to be called. I think they were still arguing about my name the night before I was born. There was one girls’ name that my mum has always loved, but my dad wouldn’t agree on it. The name that I ended up with was basically the only name that my parents could agree on.

Which is kind of sad.

My middle name has a happier story. Like I said, we were all given family middle names. My middle name can be found somewhere in the names of three of my four great grandmothers.

Both of my names are quite historic and old fashioned, as both of them date back to Bible times. I quite like that. They have a lot of history attached to them without sounding old or out of date.

Do I like my name? Yes I do. Would I change it? Probably not.

There is one thing that I don’t like about my name, and that is a couple of the associations that it has. One modern, one historical. The modern one is quite degrading, and it has caused me to gain a not so nice nickname. The historical one isn’t too bad, as most people don’t make the association, but things can get weird when they do.

And I’ve probably just confused you all. Yay me!

Day 167: Bookworm

Tell us about the last book you read (Why did you choose it? Would you recommend it?). To go further, write a post based on its subject matter.

This is going to be very interesting.

So the last book that I read was My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga. I actually read this nearly two weeks ago, which is kind of shameful for me, since I normally read a lot more than that. But I currently have four books on the go, one of which is 200 years old (Pride and Prejudice), which means that it is taking me a bit longer to read, due to the language. Another one of them is Mrs Dalloway, which is written in a very unusual way, making it extremely difficult to read. I’m reading it because my teacher used it as an example for something, then told us that people in her university class couldn’t read it. She promised chocolate to people who could read it, so I decided to accept the challenge.

Anyway. Completely off topic.

So. My Heart and Other Black Holes. This was recommended to me by Rachel, who actually recommended it before she had even read it. She finished it and still had a couple of weeks left before she had to return it, so she gave it to me. I read it in an hour and a half the night that I got it. 300 pages in an hour and a half. I’m pretty impressed with myself.

I could explain what the book is about, but I’ll let the blurb do that for me.

Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.

There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution—Roman, a teenage boy who’s haunted by a family tragedy, is looking for a partner. Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together.

Basically, she’s depressed and wants to die. That’s the gist of the book. Her father did something unimaginable, and she feels as though she is turning into him, and that the town thinks the same thing. So she decides to die, and finds herself a suicide partner called Roman to die with her.

I did enjoy this book. It was a very good book. Again, some of the language was a bit iffy, but I’m learning to block that out. As I mentioned on yesterday’s post, though, I was able to accurately predict the ending before I had even started reading it, which was kind of disappointing. But it was still a good book. Would I recommend it? Absolutely.

Here’s where things get interesting. Write about the subject matter.

Suicide. Depression.

That’s what this book is about, so that’s what I have to write about.

I really don’t know where to start with this. Where do you begin when you are talking about this kind of thing?

I’ve never directly known someone who has committed suicide. I can think of at least three times in the last two years when I’ve heard about someone in my community committing suicide from someone who knew them, but I’ve never actually known them personally.

Depression, however, is a whole different story. As well as having first hand experience, which we won’t talk about, I’ve also known/do know people with depression, and there are probably others that I’m not aware of.

The thing that I’ve learnt through my depression is that no matter how bad things are or were, they have always gotten better. That’s a very important thing to remember. It may seem dark. It may seem like you’re stuck in a black hole with no way out. But, no matter what, things will get better.

I never knew that a book review could be so deep.

Day 146: Switcheroo

I normally try and start these off with something interesting, maybe about my day or just something random, but I’m currently coming up blank. Apparently my day was boring.

If you could switch blogs with any blogger for a week, with whom would you switch and why?

I don’t quite understand the purpose of this question.

How would I benefit by switching blogs with someone? What would be the outcome? I really don’t see the point in switching blogs. Not much would happen. I might get a few new followers on here, if I switched with someone with a lot of followers. But otherwise, I don’t see any reason to switch. I’d probably end up scaring away some of the other person’s followers.

Now my brain is ticking over, and I’m wanting to try this to see if anything would actually happen. Hmm. Any volunteers? Anyone want to take over this blog for a week, and I’ll take over yours?

I don’t know why anyone would want to switch with me, though. They’d have to do at least 14 posts in the space of 7 days, assuming that the switching meant that you had to keep the other person’s schedule.

But now I’m intrigued. Anyone want to do a bit of an experiment?

I have no idea if I’m being serious about that or not.